==FAKE NEWS== A new fangame has just been released on (((Steam)))! It's goes by the name of chinkchonggookjapchang ~ The Disappearing of Gensokyo. It can be bought here: http://store.steampowered.com/app/776490 The chink behind this release swears that they comply with ZUN's regulations, but insider sources say that didn't include Aya as playable, therefore it may be DMCA'd soon. Doujinstyle has officially moved to (((Discord))) meaning that you'll now have to use one more botnet to get to the latest Comiket releases. The reporter on the scene had this to say: "This is really Jewish." Possibly more on this later, probably not. It seems that the netplay IRC is suffering from a player drought. The niggers that frequent it have gotten so desparate that they are willing to and have been selling their bodies for games. A more prominent member's advertisements on craigslist read: "GIVE ME AN OPPONENT." Followed by conditions on how much dick they will suck versus how long they expect you to play as payment. This reporter has also found him repeatedly standing naked on a rooftop, screaming out his mantra. There have been murmurings lately of a possible resurgence of the /jp/ Teenbro Cabal, a dreaded circlejerk bent on causing drama and controlling 8gag from the shadows. This story is further supported by a recent IRC leak from one of their hidden networks. Their unknown leader can be found in them quoted saying "It's time come back and take what's rightfully ours. Right after I finish hot-gluing my Reisen figma." This was followed by multiple member's agreements, and praises to Allah/Suika. If this new uprising is really going to happen, what does that mean for the future of our beloved boards? I fear the worst, as this time they not only have legions of /2hu/ autists, but they are rumored to have join forces with the freech goons. A powerful force indeed. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== Moriya Shrine has fallen for the web 3.0 meme, making their popular website harder to navigate. You'd think that after Jewsh you humans would learn, but you continue to disappoint. Many potential champions are clamoring for their shot at the Puppet Master title. (For those not in the know, the title alludes to Touhou Puppet Dance Performance, a fully fleshed out pokemon clone.) The current champion shows no signs of giving up easily, as he keeps swatting away challengers as if they were flies. When asked for an interview, the only thing that elitist prick would tell me was >wew We can only hope someone stops his reign of terror soon. The player drought continues as members of the netplay IRC have started to resort to even MORE desperate measures than before. This reporter was alerted to some kind of orgy via posters found downtown. Upon arrival I found leaders of the channel fucking eachother (and new prospective members) vigorously, in which I can only presume to be one of their "soku matches". One anonymous source described the group as a bunch of raving lunatics, but that's not unusual due to the fact that they are all niggers. God knows when conditions will improve. I've just been informed that the /jp/ teenbros have made a move to consolidate their power sometime last Thursday. This information is compounded with the fact that their leader was recently ousted as a Reisen crossplayer, leading some members to bully him into action. There's a shadow over /jp/ now, and as Tenko tries to stop the inevitable insurrection, another darker faction vies for control. More on this later. If anyone has a HOT ~~LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Handjobs, Blowjobs, Footjobs, Paizuri, Ballbusting, and anal sex. Give me a call for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== Tragedy has befallen the /jp/ teenbro cabal leader, as he recently dropped some acid, vowed reform his ways, and threw out all of his Touhou merchandise. (Except his fuckdolls, he couldn't bring himself to lose those.) When asked about what made him want to change his life around, the only thing he to me said was >wew With the leader still coming down the cabal has been thrown in complete turmoil, as a new internal power struggle begins to compete for leadership. But that's okay because they were only in it for the drama anyways. The greater /jp/verse seems to be safe from the Ruinous Powers, for now. Don't do drugs kids. The netplay IRC has '''once again''' sunk to a new low, as it has come to light that they have tried to create a soku tournament unsuccessfully. The goal of such an act being what this reporter can only presume to poz unsuspecting negs. Once their new thread was created, a lot of bullying followed because it was revealed that OP was a CIA reddit mod nigger who didn't realize that the board name wasn't /V/. He later edited this mistake away in shame, but it was too late as the damage had already been done. It is unknown whether or not the tournament will get off the ground at this point, or if it will be just another failure to launch like OP. If anyone has a HOT ~~LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Ｌｏｃｋｅｒ♂ Ｒｏｏｍ♂ Ｔａｌｋ♂, gay wrestling matches, gokkun, watersports, ballbusting, and anal sex. Find me on kik for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== After a long and grueling few days, the power struggle in the /jp/ cabal has been resolved. The old leader once again regained control, by bribing the members with positions in the upcoming /jp/ mansion located somewhere in Canada. Details regarding the construction and completion of THE monument to /jp/ culture are scarce, but insider sources say that the groundwork will be finished within 6 months. If he doesn't deliver, who knows how long he can control the rampant teenbro plague? This reporter thinks that the future of imageboard drama may be changed forever. Surprising everyone, the soku tourney actually happened bringing in a record breaking 38 viewers. It was a retarded best of 3 double elimination bracket, but the only one who seemed to mind was the suicidal streamer, who had to endure 8 hours of niggers beating eachother off. In a massive upset that absolutely nobody saw coming, the dolltist took the grand championship and won a very large Alice fumo equipped with a fleshlight for his efforts. Why such a prize was granted for this event is anyone's guess, however I did manage to get a quote from the champion for this article. He simply said >wew While this reporter has not yet determined the meaning of this cryptic message, I think it has something to do with gay sex. Insider sources suggest that the next tournament will take place sometime next year, assuming the streamer hasn't killed himself due to his declining patreon contributions. Word on the street is that Tenko finally got enough testosterone to handle streaming on /jp/'s 10th birthday party. It was so devoid of life that it even outdid Alice's latest birthday bash. After it ended he could be found crying in a corner of his mother's basement for hours with a gun in his mouth. **Unfortunately for him, his only bullet was a dud. I can only feel pity for him.** If anyone wants to ~~call the suicide hotline~~ cheer him up, swing by /jp/ the next time he streams. I've just been informed that '''Antimony of Common Flowers''' has been ported to the Nintendo Switch, the official console of Mark™. It's almost as if the forces behind the cancer that is (((Steam))), the Undertale community, and Walfas comic producers combined to bring you an amplified autism experience. This tengu thinks that this does not bode well for our already reclining franchise. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOuEsoCRtxs If anyone has a HOT ~~LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Bondage parties, femdom, gokkun, urethral sounding, enema treatments, and anal sex. Find me on fetlife for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== I've just received a tip informing me that the /jp/ mansion has been postponed indefinitely due to the lack of funding. Apparently the leader of the /jp/ teenbro cabal had such a bad credit score, he couldn't get a $50000 mortgage to afford the land. As this news echoes throughout the /jp/verse, the teenbros start to plot against eachother once again as a new cold war begins. It has come to light that the leader of the netplay IRC has been deceiving the membership by not disclosing his ties to the dilating community. Yes you read that right, he is a tranny. What this shocking truth means for the group is anyone's guess, however I suspect everyone is feeling betrayed by this revelation. This is just like when /2hu/ was co-opted all over again. A rogue keystone has just crashed into the local Touhou Brotherhood club. It comes with great sadnesss that I inform you that while trying to claw his way out of the wreckage, Aniki got hit by a blind paki driver. Unfortunately he did not survive the impact. The paki was deported but the damage had already been done. Tenko can currently be found in a back alley whoring himself out for donations so he can repair the building. This reporter can only wonder why there is so much overlap between the touhou and gay communities. /a/ has once again invaded the ancient /jp/ homeworlds, and the /jp/ self defense force wants YOU to fight against the rulecucked hordes. Get the heck in to bestpost, make fun of nepfags everywhere, and above all else take it easy. This won't be an easy fight to win but while they have the numbers, we have the moral high ground. If anyone has a HOT ~~LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local rival reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Handholding, headpatting, spooning, long walks on the beach, consensual sex in the missionary position with the lights turned off for the purposes of procreation. Find me on Christian Mingle for more details. This has been your friendly local rival reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== '''This just in,''' IRC has officially reached "peak gay". More and more trannies are ousting themselves for attention, and literal faggots are flaunting about how much cock they suck. This tengu can finally see that there is no hope for Man, for Man was not ready to deal with liberalism. Indeed, even the once mighty teenbro cabal has succumbed to the gay. An involuntary survey conducted confirms that the gay rate in the cabal is at least 56%. The future is a grim one. '''Traffic on /jp/''' is surprisingly on the rise as threads on /v/ recline further into nothingness. This ~~anal fanatic~~ reporter has come up with two possible causes for this surge in activity. /a/ is either still raiding the war-torn board or the lonely weekly Kamen Rider streams have brought in a record breaking 2 new users. As for the /v/ threads, perhaps it's time to **let it die**? '''A young South American boy''' continues to amaze local shitposters with his primary skills by virtue of actually playing video games. That's right, a 3rd worlder is better than you Anon. When approached for a comment, the only word I could make out from him was >wew This seems to be some kind of universal pickup line, but this tengu does not do kids no matter what local law enforcement would have you believe. '''You may hear about another tengu''' sometime this week. I will deny any allegations in advance that I locked her in my sex dungeon and had my way with her for trying to compete with my friendly local reporting agency. Don't believe her lies, she's a massive slut. If anyone has a HOT ~~LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Enema treatments, Anal training, Neg Pozzing, shit eating, and throwing down in the ring. (If you think you can beat me 1, 2, 3.) Find me on Collarspace for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== BREAKING, the leader of the /jp/ teenbro cabal has allegedly disbanded the network following getting fucked in the ass by it's membership 7 too many times. In an effort to redeem himself for his transgressions, he successfully got a 1cc in lunatic EoSD after months of training in the mountains. During the following interview, the only phrase he uttered was >wew This reporter can safely assume that this is his personal mantra of defiance against the odds **and Remilia.** ZUN has officially announced that there will be no announcement at this spring's Reitaisai. However he did agree to provide autographs to those willing to fork over enough liqour. How much is enough is anyone's guess but sources indicate that he has the tolerance of an Oni. Hopefully we'll get something new by the winter comiket. The /v/iggers are in an uproar over the recent migration to /vg/ sparking a new war between the rival boards. (((Mark))) himself has stepped in to say that he was not banning the /v/ threads, which was strange considering that wasn't the reason why the old guard left in the first place. He also proclaimed his shit taste in waifus shocking nary a soul. In other somewhat related news, '''the rabbit has killed again.''' This time the poor victim was an anonymous /jp/sie, one of the last 6 people to still browse 8ch. The time has come to unite against the fluffy menace, this tengu proposes that we gather a lynch mob and have rabbit stew for dinner tonight. Unless this hare is stopped, the madness and killing will continue until /jp/ is truly a dead board. It's also worth mentioning that I've been afflicted with a death curse by the aforementioned rabbit. Symptoms include crippling pain, nausea, violent anal eruptions, weakness, and tremors. I'm not sure how long I have left but I'm going to keep fighting until my very last. I have no qualms about going on the record to say that the rabbit must be stopped at all costs, attacking me for merely reporting the truth is going too far. In probably what will be one of my last acts alive, I have provided some live coverage at NASA with special guest Melissa McDonalds. The footage can be found here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/271188360. Never again. If anyone has a HOT LOAD TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Urethral sounding, electrostimulation, breastfeeding, paizuri, rimming, and footjobs. Find me on Backpage for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. **Possibly forever.** ==TF2V FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengoo **inside me** back with another official after action report. After arriving on scene I was immediately greeted with the smell of baboons and fried chicken. The conditions were appalling even for me, and I've seen my fair share of orgies. Animal excrement smeared on the walls, terrible slavic hosting induced lag, and no extra weapons due to incessant compfaggotry. Yep it was just like your average fighting game tournament. This reporter barely made it out of there with her life, after crushing the opposing apes of course. It's only natural that that fastest skunt alive could navigate that warzone safely. If you value yours, you should listen to this advice from your only trusted media outlet. ==STAY AWAY== Shortly after escaping, this reporter made sure to delete her copy of the game, and bury the rest in a sarcophagus somewhere near Chernobyl. I give the whole ordeal a 2/10, never again. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Strain Proliferating, Anal training, Neg Pozzing, cum slurping, and Mexican Sugar Dancing Find me on Craigslist for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu with a special christmas report. BREAKING, I've received a tip by ~~going through an irc channel's garbage~~ an anonymous source that the systems operator of Julay has delisted his site from the board ring following a dispute with the cake kike himself. According to him this only affects the veech/julay connection as all others appear to be still there. When approached for a comment on the matter, the only thing I got out of him was a triumphant sounding >wew This seems to be a battle cry of some descript, but this reporter couldn't discern what exactly it meant. One thing is for certain though, these latest events have definitely added fuel to the currently rising fire. ~~And that's a good thing.~~ The ~~annual~~ ~~biannual~~ quarterly sokunigger tournament has officially concluded. I am required by anti-discrimination laws to thank every nigger that attended, along with every normal person who watched the coverage. If you would like behind the scenes access to the event including the production materials used for it, you are welcome to visit https://julay.world/2hu/res/15.html for everything from vods to replays. There is expected to be no news regarding the next primary touhou title at this year's winter comiket. The release cycle is usually once every 2 years, so we shouldn't see it until at least 2021. In other news, this reporting agency would like to announce that live coverage from inside the net should be coming soon, as advancing technologies **and presents from mummy tengu** make virtual reality strming possible. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Enema treatments, blowey joeies, neg pozzing, vore, and privately evaluating children from your local playground. Find me on your country's sex offender registry for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. **Merry Christmas lads.** ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with another #DramaAlert. BREAKING, more leaks from irc indicate that the Julay sysop has once again gotten himself into some shit from the tranny altchan federation. This time with one of the lieutenants of the blob, nanotech. He is currently in the midst of terrorist negotiations trying to extort the tranny leader with his dox posted on 4um. He promises that he will take down the offending dox if the fuckboy pays enough bitcoin to pay for the server costs for 1 year, which comes to about 3 boxes of tendies. When approached for a comment, the only thing I could get out of the genetic dud dickrider was >wew My best guess is that this is the sound a dilator makes when it becomes fully charged. First infighting, and now assault on the enemy abroad, there aren't many allies left for the fledgeling board. Secondaries rejoice as the second chapter of the new comic '''「Touhou Suichouka ~ Lotus Eater-tachi no Suisei」''' has been released AND fully scanlated! This reporter thinks it's important that even though you mortals can't learn Japanese that our works are shared across as many mediums as possible. ~~Let no borders stand in the way of our propaganda.~~ Let no language barriers stand in the way of our continued friendship. As we're quickly approaching the end of the year, your friendly local reporting agency would like to remind you that if you spot any Tewiposters in the wild, to not feed them. We wouldn't want to start the year off with any murders would we? That's definitely a bad omen! So please, if you see any, ignore them, do not reply to them, and report them to the authorities. I'd do it myself but Johnny Law doesn't have a good relationship with someone who tries to preserve EVERY angle **of Mystia's panties** in 4K UHD resolution. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: hypnosis treatments, gokkun, kigurumi sex, cbt, and allowing you to use Hatate in any way you see fit. Find me on the interpol website for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with a special new year's report. Last night was rather fuzzy from the liberal use of drugs and alcohol but after reviewing the recordings to jog my memory I can say that it was indeed a fruitful one. I've successfully siphoned enough clout from e-celebrities to break into the ibs or internet bloodsports scene. There was to be a cuckime debate vs the People's Populist Press but he ran away so this tengu won by default. When approached for a excuse, the only thing I could understand from his marijuana induced babble was >wew I'm not sure if he was apologizing or asking if I wanted to get high. Presumably a bit of both. Expect more juicy tabloid details ranging from gunt size to how many cocks Nick Fuentes sucks under a park bench soon. A certain shitposter has paid the agency well to include a classified ad to hopefully improve his lovelife. It reads as follows: "Are you a female e-girl? Want to spend the rest of our lives together? Hit me up on VRCHAT posthaste." Whether or not he will be successful in his love quest remains to be determined, but at least he's trying, albeit desperately. As we leave the decade many of us are looking back at times gone by, like all of the games that ZUN put out over the years. This reporter can assure you that he peaked with the release of EoSD unfortunately. Still, the outlook for the memes to come look hopeful at least. However, because today is rather special I must remind you all NOT to believe the murderering rabbit's lies. If you fall for the death curse today of all days you WILL be cursed for the next 10 years. Bitches and GETs will not come to you, and your family line will be poisoned for the rest of time. Please, if you value your soul, do not let Tewi win. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: individualist encounters, gokkun, snake torture, amputations, and magically turning you into a scarecrow that is one giant erogenous zone. Find me on the FBI's most wanted list for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with yet another IBS update. BREAKING, I've just received a hot tip from a weasel. Mark Mann, owner and editor in chief of veech, IS the dolphin lover that has been assaulting Julay in fact of course. He can currently be seen dodging questions from our agents, and refusing to conduct interviews. The only comment that I could dig up from his trash can full of cake trays was >wew I can only assume that this is what he tells his baker when he wants another ice cream cake. A certain weasel has been conned into leaking some jewcy details about where Julay's donations are going. He has personally been getting an undisclosed amount from the Julay World administration whenever a piece of unlicensed merchandise (think gondola paintings except gunt themed) is purchased directly from "baste" Robi. This is exactly the kind of Jewish behavior that made us drop the dud into the ditch. If this continues for much longer, this reporting agency will be forced to disavow the operation completely. The next sokunigger tournament is allegedly scheduled to start in March following a sudden influx of niggers in the official Touhou IRC channel on rizon. This event should hopefully quell the uprising once and for all, because the mad lad strmmer responsible for containing it can't keep up with the frequency of the events. Truly, it belongs to a nigger genre. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: deep throating, gokkun, drugged sex, invasive surgery, and transforming you into a centipede by fermenting you in a clay pot. Find me on the tranny cult discord for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== Hot take tengoo here back with another exclusive scoop. I have brought to the farm this morning objective proof that Mark and the dolphinnigger are the same person. They are both conveniently active at the same times, purely a coincidence goy! They both have a predilection towards sperging out, the evidence for this is all over the damn place. They both love Nintendo products, and own all of the latest pieces of cardboard. Worst of all, they are both filthy collectivist shitheads, and try to exploit the userbase to suit their ends. Do you need any more damning evidence linking these two together? I think not! This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengoo back with another hot load EXCLUSIVELY for the moo moo farm. '''Mark has fallen for his own trap.''' An anonymous weasel has extracted some cocks from the head cake kike himself before getting unjustisfiably blocked. Sasuga rulecucks. It seems that the dolphin/mark amalgamation has no intention of stopping the cold war with Julay from turning into a hot one. Schizophrenia is on the rise, and 8kunny/v/ is just the latest in a long line of victims from the jewdolphin's attacks. When approached for a comment from the weasel on the matter, the only thing I could make out from all the chittering was >wew This reporter believes that this is the sound weasels make when they successfully find a good meal. Submitted for your information is a leaked private conversation with Mark that my agent had with him. Take this with a grain of salt because it IS coming from a weasel but this reporting agency is inclined to believe it. One theory is that Jim Watkins personally ordered the attacks on the Julay administration and it checks out because Mark still appears to be on his payroll. This is quite possibly an attempt by the Chinese government to distract the Qoomers from the coronavirus pandemic that is currently unfolding across the globe. This reporter would like to remind any humans reading that you should stock up on emergency supplies and masks before you get pozzed by the latest iteration of superAIDS. (As that is what the virus was engineered from.) Stay safe and more importantly stay comfy lads! If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: vaginal photography, gokkun, fumo roleplay, ball-busting, and inserting live snakes into my pussy. Find me on f-list for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with more unsubstantiated rumors and ill-informed gossip. Our top story tonight, I've gotten a tip that a new touhou tranny cult is forming over on 8coon at the /sunflower/ board. This comes as no surprise because wherever there are 2hus, 42%ers are always near. What is interesting however, is the subject matter of this cult. After doing some digging, I've found that they are practicing /fringe/ tier rituals for summoning and meeting youkai. The connection to touhou is thin to say the least. Clearly, they are all filthy secondaries. This reporter could unfortunately interpret little from their psychotic babble. I would advise that you humans should avoid this den of dilation, lest your mind be poisoned and you get the idea that chopping off your cock would turn you into a girl. Real magic is much easier to cast anyways. This tengu is now officially allowed to announce the date of the next sokunigger tournament! This time the brackets have been segregated into 2 days in March on the 13th and 15th respectively, with the broadcast starting at 11AM EST at https://cytu.be/r/koisheep as usual. When the commissioner was questioned about the reason for this decision, before proceeding to chimp out for 15 minutes he simply squeaked >wew I can offer no explanation for this statement for I cannot and will never understand niggers. In other news, the opticsfag formerly known as "baste" Robi and friends, have had a private conversation with Mark. Inserted for your reading pleasure is the full leak, you can pay me back with a ninjet. Detailed within it are the frustrations of both imageboard admins, along with sperging from both sides. People please, we ought to focus on the REAL issues plaguing our society like rampant rulecuckery and the coronavirus. You know what they say about walls of text Robi, you tengu racist. Unfortunately for Mark this does not affect the tier list in any meaningful way. This reporting agency is also currently searching for the unpublished congressional hearing related to 8gag that took place in September of last year. Hit me up if you have college or university credentials, as you could have access to https://congressional.proquest.com/congressional wherein the documents may be found. We can also Disney Plus and thrust. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: vaginal photography, inanimate transformation, fumo roleplay, hatate-crushing, and inserting live snakes into my pussy. Find me on f-list for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. **No recording this time due to bad weather.** ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with a horrendous display of sexual activity. Fridey night has been a massive disappointment due to the flop that was the sokunigger tournament. The audience even had the gall to interrupt one of my reports. It was quite the appalling display as niggers scrambled over eachother to try and network successfully. When I approached the commissioner for some kind of defense regarding this event the only thing I could make out was >wew I could only interpret this to be some kind of death wail as the commissioner has gone radio silent following this tradegy. UPDATE: The following tournament on sunday had a much better turnout than anticipated. This doesn't redeem the mandrill's machinations but it's a step in the right direction. This tengu is just glad that there will never be another chimp out due to the coronavirus cancelling all future events. Papa disney no longer protects the florida man as the wuhan virus spreading across the globe forced didney to close their doors following the WHO declaration that the wu flu is indeed a global pandemic. Even the sokuniggers were affected as the resulting illness managed to kill off 70% of attendees because meiling won a match infecting the rest of the cast. A group of wops has found that gathering on balconies in the middle of the night to sing hip songs and making a general ass of themselves increases their resistance to the wu flu, possibly even curing it. I encourage the owner of 8/jp/ to do the same if he wants to stay healthy, every night until his neighbors like it. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: vaginal photography, inanimate transformation, fumo roleplay, machine assisted milking, and incubating viruses with hatate's body. Find me on f-list for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. **No recording this time due to the virus.** What's up fams it's Aya here with another BO-RAKING ==fake news== report: Trannies transcended traipsing towards toppling julay today and ruined a perfectly good ==HIDDEN GEM™== thread surprising no one. It drew ire from the live studio MJR audience as would be expected from a known pedophile and so the trannies started a scuffle. The resulting shitshow further polluted comfy discussions as it spilled over into other imageboards via ==FILTHY== crossies. In other news the diapering cabal and /2hu/ partnered up after grueling negotiations wherein one side got SPANKED like Omar's bitch dawg. I'd be on the look out for the coming ==TERROR WAVE== from these two world superpowers lads. I rate the deal 3 wews out of FIVE. Anyways hoping that 42% suicide rate finally catches up with y'all PEACE! ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with more autistic imageboard drama. Our top story tonight: Mark has been SHITCANNED. That's right, this tengu bets you didn't expect Christmas to come early this year but it's true. Ron got his daddy to officially give Mark the boot making yet another territory where Jews have been exiled forever. According to Ron, the cake kike was behaving as I'm sure you expected him to in his internet office. With extremely low productivity, laziness, and incompetence, it's no wonder he hasn't been removed earlier. Your friendly local reporting agency managed to get a quote from the illegitimate child of Jimbo, a concise >wew This is clearly a sigh of massive relief, as not having Mark OR Nepfag dragging everything down improves 8kun's official ranking to the baste category, up from cringe. As a tangentially related followup story, Prolikewoah's database was mysteriously nuked preceding the owner, Loleron, allowing Mark and his kind to take up refuge in the previously comfy place. According to him, it was "hacked" by some anonymous internet terrorist, but I suspect foul play. The timing is a little too convenient isn't it? The database gets wiped, then the next day Mark gets fired and is allowed to create a nu/v/ on PLW. Regardless of what deceitful nose is behind these events, I can in good conscious no longer endorse that site. With the large del and Mark's addition, it has fallen two ranks on the tier list down into the cringe category. This reporting agency hopes that things go back to the way they were soon, but whenever an admin goes full retard it's usually terminal. At least there's still julay! If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: coof-chasing, scarecrow transformation, fumo roleplay, hata-tan abuse, and corrupting anime communities. Find me on MAL for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with another unnecessarily high effort funpost. /v/ is going down in flames as users scramble for moderator action amid the head janny having the heh pill forced down his throat. It seems that this could be the start of a new civil war between the /cow/boys and the foreign interests who are revealing their true colors now that the threads they don't like remain unmolested. Known pedophile and shitposter Kimeemaru has taken credit for the recent attacks. I tried to get a comment but he was having trouble saying one coherent thing from all the smuckling. The only utterance I could understand from the constant grating laughter was >wew Perhaps this is how humans proclaim victory to eachother? I'll leave it to reader speculation. Regardless, this has been quite the power play coming from Julay, considering the circumstances. This latest struggle follows Mark's recent double exile and sperg out resulting in him deleting his 3rd bunker. I suspect the intention was to strike at Mark's base directly to rebuke claims of rulecuckery, but who can say for sure? One thing is certain though, consequences will never be the same. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Handjobs, Blowjobs, Footjobs, Paizuri, Ballbusting, and anal sex. Give me a call for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with more bald-faced lies and slander. The Julay empire is crumbling as the userbase reels from the idiotic decision Robi made to delete most of the boards on the site and relaunch it in 3 months. This follows rumors that Robi might actually be Esther M. Aronowitz, the operative behind shutting all pedo boards down. It wouldn't be the first time an admin masqueraded as a bad actor to change his site covertly to avoid establishing a precedent. This tengu approached Rabbi Pires' den of debauchery on IRC demanding answers. What I got in response may shock you: Radio silence from the head janny. Only a couple of Weasels came to his defense with no coherent arguments except a >wew Clearly, this silence speaks volumes about the current speculation. Something unusual happened today on prolikewoah, the premier up-and-comer imageboard known for it's easy nature and lax moderation. If you're not aware, it has recently opened up a new video games board titled /geimu/ that promises to be better than any /v/ that Mark has touched. A bold claim, but it seemed to be living up to it for its first day. Unfortunately the fledgeling board had an abrupt dip in quality after the janny decided to delete all meta discussion and redirect it to another board for seemingly no reason. Now drama and crossposter shitflinging has renewed in full for the first time since Mark's exile. In this humble reporter's opinion the board never would've undergone this violent shift had it just been given to someone who can handle the bants, like the owner of /japan/. What's interesting is that Smug Tranny influence can be felt now more than ever, with their agents advocating for stricter rules and automods throughout the threads. Give an inch and they'll take a mile. If they weren't such rulecucks their tactics would almost be respectable by tengu standards. I just hope that things calm down soon and go back to the easy ways of old. If anyone has a HOT ~~LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: Hatate-crushing, femdom, gokkun, CBT, enema treatments, and anal sex. Find me on fetlife for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with a special news bulletin. Julay has fallen into complete CHAOS (again). After a prolonged and gruelling battle, known internet terrorist Kimeemaru has defeated the last of the global volunteers. This comes as no surprise for those in the know, as he has been planning this coup d'état for months ever since his favorite pasttime, GETball was unjustly attacked. The belligerents of the spectacle were a large number of teenbros, loli pedos, mods, and rulecucks. It began on a relatively quiet sunday afternoon when the previous /v/ board owner was forced to transfer ownership to the terrorist leader at gunpoint in Minecraft. Once receiving the transfer, he immediately went to work purging every rulecuck from the site and planting a flag on what would become the /2hu/ Collective's new territory. A celebration ensued from the newly liberated citizens who were overjoyed that they could now post freely, without fear. Unfortunately, the last global volunteer between Kimee and webring dominance had other plans. He started on his nofap crusade by expediently deleting every loli butt in sight but saw no end to the tide. After realizing that he couldn't stop all of them by himself he implored the userbase to STOP POSTING LOLI OR ELSE. If only he wasn't too new to realize that was code for "dump your entire tot folder", the following bloodbath might've been prevented. He even tried approaching the new board owner to plead his case but he only replied with and I quote >wew When the Weasel saw that his strategy backfired he began another banning shoah to remove every pedo on the planet. Even innocent users including one PR manager could not escape the all consuming banwave. After the damage was done he swiped the board back from the /2hu/ cabal inadvertently turning a certain tengu into a martyr. No longer constrained by the confines of /v/, the cuckime pros spread out their air raids onto other boards, even other websites. All the while this tengu was seeking the release of the board back into a warm nest. The weasel, having seen the damage he caused by tonight's constant fuckups, reluctantly agreed. On the condition that one of his comrades be appointed the position of volunteer to help dissuade the pedoposting. Glad to have his board back, Kimee began to build a new /v/ from the ashes of all the wreckage brothers. But due to his debilatating shitposting problem, he couldn't stop there and immediately set out to stir more shit. You see, while he was on ice he was hard at work in highly classified meme research and development labs creating the perfect oc to incite more riots. He put his best banepost forward, and it worked flawlessly. In this single night, he managed to cause more shitflinging than the webring has ever seen in it's short life. Defeated, the weasel sperged out one last time in IRC before fucking off to sleep. Both sides of the engagement suffered heavy losses, but it's clear that the teenbros won a decisive victory. The /jp/sphere had the best 2am threads in years, many rulecucks offed themselves, and best of all, the survivors all had a good laugh. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: hypnosis treatments, gokkun, kigurumi sex, cbt, and allowing you to use Hatate in any way you see fit. Find me on the interpol website for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with more hot loads and retarded takes. It's been a month following the storm that shook Julay to it's core. /jp/ bunkers everywhere have undergone non-stop bombing by the tot fan known only as Dolphin since then. He has a lot of loyalty for a hired gun if you ask me. In the meantime, the rapefugees from the have been seeking safe haven elsewhere. My sources currently pin their whereabouts to an undisclosed dead game and possibly a board that their enemies will never think to look. This reporter hopes for everyone's sake, that the Weasel's pockets are not so deep that he can continue to afford to pay the mercenary indefinitely. On a more primary note, Touhou MoF, SA, and UFO, have been released on Steam last week. This agency suspects that it is because ZUN has been becoming more open to the public in recent years. This is most likely to either support his family or to keep his reclining game franchise alive amidst a sea of new gachashit competitors. He's still too lazy to put out an official translation, though this reporter thinks it's for the best. You should learn Japanese instead of relying on a western localization team Anon. Spee had a bit of a scare recently, as it went down for an (as yet) unknown reason. Fortunately for sportsfans and Japanese speakers alike, it came back up after a couple days. When asked for a comment on what happened, the only thing ddduder would tell me was >wew This is possibly his way of expressing joy over his new illicitly funded car purchase. /icup/, the 4chan cup clone except for us, has officially announced the cutoff date for new teams to enter. If you wish your board to enter with or without the owner's consent you have until July 3rd. While I've never really loved human sports outside of theb owl, I'm starting to see the appeal. I might even join a team myself. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: forced hehpilling, gokkun, cum inflation, ball worship, and allowing you to use Hatate in any way you see fit. Find me on the interpol website for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with another scoop of bird shit flying at your windshield faster than the speed of sound. King Slaphead Gahoole II of tvch fame has renewed support on his board following his decision to physically remove Eden (The /geimu/ board owner.) from /dup/ by force. This psychotic change of heart comes as little surprise to his inner court of elector counts and jesters, who have long known him to be an absolutely insane ogre. To him, if you ain't family, you could easily join his long shitlist of individuals who don't suffer from male pattern baldness. When I entered his swamp for a comment, I could only hear him grunting >wew It's possible that's the sound ogres make when they take a fat shit but who could say for sure as he was waist deep in his own filth already. In any case, this reporting agency is always glad to see another rulecuck get blown the fuck out, regardless of the context. It is worth noting however, that the weeb janny has apparently accounted for this, and claims to be preparing for his next move. Whether or not he is just blowing smoke remains to be seen. It turns out that the reason why zeech feels so similar to Dicsord is that the admin is or was allegedly a freelance bot engineer. That is the sole reason why it has special snowflake formatting compared to the rest of the webring, to more closely match that infamous Chinese backed software. What you're left with is that the two most popular /v/ owners both work for rival government agencies. Well that explains why they hate eachother! Naturally, neither of them were available for comment. (Their superiors at the FBI and Tencent respectively likely ordered them not to to talk to the press.) You remember playing Cave's last great shmup, DoDonPachi SaiDaiOuJou? Neither do I! That's because PCBs for the currently impossible to emulate game run anywhere from 8k to 10k+ in your human "Dollars". An inferior Xbox 360 copy will cost you around 300. A possible PC port has been seemingly shelved following a partnership with exA-Arcadia, meaning that the hard to obtain game will remain so for the forseeable future. Apparently they plan to re-release the game with some new features exclusively in the arcades. Undoubtedly a poor business decision, considering the popularity of their previous ports to PC. This reporting agency firmly stands by the stance that danmaku should be free to all, so if you'd like a golden lead shower hit me up. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: forced hehpilling, deep throating, hardcore kigu ERP, armpit licking, and allowing you to use Hatate in any way you see fit. Subscribe to my Onlyfans for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==BREAKING FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu coming to you LIVE from the latest trash fire. A cataclysmic event has once again sent the webring into a death spiral. It started last night with Zeech being DDoSed. This resulted in the admin bitching out immediately and killing the site. Some suspect this is all too convenient timing after unconfirmed reports that the owner was a Discord employee. Following the shutdown, the ensuing /v/alkan rapefugee caravan arrived at /geimu/ where it was quickly met with scat spam. What an unfortunate time for all the jannies to be asleep! After the catalog was completely slid, the caravan headed to /shelter/ only to see more panic and poor attempts at misinfo. Many factions are pointing fingers at each other over this, but it's still not clear (((who))) is responsible or if it even matters. This reporting agency strongly suspects that it doesn't. I approached Loleron for an action plan but the only thing I heard from him was a soft >wew It could be gibberish for all I know, because he was talking in his sleep. This tengu can only hope for a full board restoration, assuming he even made one. What the future holds in this tumultuous time is anyone's guess, but there will probably be a lot more incorrect name calling as it is /v/alkan culture. It's possible another new /v/ will spring up, but I would advise you humans to try not to get too attached. If anything, this whole shitstorm once again proves that imageboards are ephemeral, and truly, these are the last of those dreamlike days. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with more blah blah blah, words words words. Thoughts and prayers are coming from the cuckime community this week, as we learn that Gayhoole got bullied by local law enforcement. It seems (((someone))) reported him for the possession of chinese broccoli, and put out a hit on him. Luckily, it didn't work, and the tvch remains safe and functional. Assuming no secret court orders were signed, of course. After bravely defending his home swamp tooth and nail the ogrelord proudly roared >wew Unfortunately for him they had already made off with his hard drive full of **Japanese** ogre porn. Many fingers are being pointed, trying to find some focus for their righteous anger. Some suspect Zach, Jewsh, Smee, or even Dup. While it would be funny to claim this reporter were responsible, that would be an admission of guilt. It would also go against company policy of refusing to admit that we've done anything wrong. This reporting agency officially denies credit for the attacks. Like who took down Zeech, the true offender yet remains a mystery. It seems the ogre has brought on some extra help, according to an unnamed source. The latest addition to his ever-growing janny team is none other than the weasel himself. It'll be interesting to see where he fits in the ==OFFICIAL TVCH JANNY POWER RANKINGS== '''Sick enough to probably be dead for real:''' acidrobi, vol4, vol6, woooBO, ostBO '''Almost dead:''' litBO, baneBO '''Based department:''' ch5, vol5, vol7? (tbd) '''Chadhoole:''' gahoole2 '''Dup tier holy shit:''' vol3 Want to climb the ladder? Janny less and exercise more. It's simple math! As the sokunigger tournament approaches I would like to remind you all that it's important to stay hygenic. This tengu knows you're black but for my sake take a shower at least a day before the event. Our long hooked noses are especially sensitive to the stench of orangutan feces that coat the bleachers every few months. Cleanliness is next to Kaminess. '''Anyways, the date is set for the 1st of August.''' Unsurprisingly, the only ones who've signed up so far are the regulars. **Even considering that we shilled on 20 boards.** So for completely unrelated reasons, I've been ~~paid~~ suggested to encourage more of you to participate. Do it, it may be worse than Melty Blood but it's better than nothing! Even if you don't play, it might be fun to watch the games or inevitable spaghetti spilling on the stream or in the chat. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: egg stuffing, extreme brapplay, kigurumi sex, CBT, and allowing you to use Hatate in any way you see fit. Find me on the FBI's most wanted list for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back with yet another meaningless wall of text. As you may be aware by now, /japan/ is BACK on triple Zeech. This comes at a great shock to their enemies, who were seemingly convinced that the board owner left the internet forever. The teenbros quickly rallied to the old banner, about as fast as unknown assailants began their asshurt assault. Unfortunately for them, they were defeated by an "impossible captcha" that was triggered when they tried to slide the catalog. They figured it out eventually after their top scientists spoonfed them the code. Now they raid the board on the daily. OC production is understandably a bit slow on the uptake while both webring superpowers recover from an extended /tikilounge/ vacation. It's also worth mentioning that the teenbros have greatly increased their destructive influence by managing to jury rig a truce pill to give to Mark and Sturgeon. This has currently manifested itself as fun joint gamenights between the two rival boards. It is suspected that this was a move to consolidate power. When asked for an explanation on the matter, the board owner simply said >wew I believe this can only be roughly interpreted as "Trust the plan." Truly, the ass drums of war beat once more. The current human election has reached a fever pitch in both funposting and concern over the fate of the United States. This tengu normally doesn't care for human politics; however, when it's this entertaining it's hard to ignore. What we DO know is that mainstream media has declared "Sleepy" Joe Biden the winner before all of the votes were counted. Donald "Dup" Trump alleges that there has been a massive amount of voter fraud that has taken place to steal the election. He is currently in a legal battle to get a recount. It is unknown at this time whether either side has significantly cheated to win, but this reporter wouldn't be surprised if they both did. Regardless of the outcome, this shitstorm has definitely diminished the amount of faith people have in the American electoral process. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: oviposition, diaper cabal RP, kigurumi sex, pissuboarding, and allowing you to use Hatate in any way you see fit. Find me on the FBI's most wanted list for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back now that the dust has settled. This weekend, the /jp/verse has been engulfed in a series of proxy skirmishes that shook it to its core. It all started when ~~Trevor~~ some evil hacker held GNFOS for ransom again. As usual, his demands for shitcoins were met with bullying and no monetary gain. In retaliation, he unleashed his personal teenbro army on longtime rival /ota/. This marks a notable escalation of the Jay Cold War. The /ota/bros stood no chance under the Rena spam and blogposting. Anally ravaged by the assault they were only memed on further by /japan/ teens. This could not have come at at worse time as they were still recovering from Tshirt's blog moments ago. Due to getting really, really mad, they ended up allegedly deploying a fleet of the fabled N.E.E.T. Squadron. /japan/ ended up being the focus of their righteous fury because the GN was still down at this point. At first, it looked like they were only visiting to engage in some lovely friendly banter. Evidently, this ended up being only the calm before the storm. 2hu themed soyjak posting quickly flooded the catalog. When the unpaid pilots soon ran out of them, they followed up with a sneed carpet bombing. A lethal combination if you ask me. /japan/ese defenders were completely caught off guard. As they scrambled to defend, the sneedposting only intensified. They eventually countered by raiding themselves to preserve the front page's VIP quality aesthetic. Unfortunately for everyone, sturgeon woke up and deleted most of the spam in a vile act of censorship. This tengu considers this battle to be a decisive moral loss, due to janny interference. When bitched at to justify his mass del, he responded with >wew This appears to be the best apology that we're going to get. He went on to promise not to intervene in /jp/ affairs in the future. After everyone went to bed, T quietly put his site back up and it looks like all forces have retreated to their home barracks. This tengu believes there to be a silver-pill lining to this bloody battle. /japan/ has now been officially recognized as a /jp/ spinoff in the eyes of the /jp/ United Council. This protected status has been one of the core goals of their monarchy for at least 2 weeks. As this is a developing story, more updates MAY follow. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP or HOT TAKE they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: coprophilia, crystal cafe RP, kigurumi bdsm, /nen/ exhibitionist sex, and allowing you to use Hatate in any way you see fit. Find me in the Florida offender registry for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off. ==FAKE NEWS== This is your friendly local reporting tengu back delivering the NEWS THAT MATTERS. Good evening and welcome to Tucker Carlson tonight. This week, we've reached happenings measuring 9 on the Ron Paulerson scale. '''Starting with the most important topic,''' this tengu had the vote stolen over on /2hu/. The crime was allegedly perpetuated by none other than ChiCom backed agent Ranfag, who replaced the corner image with some other shineslut instead. We have evidence that suggests that he only counted illegal ballots for his candidate of choice. Many have expressed their outrage at this turn of events. The Wu Mao are in full force defending this action of course. When approached for comment, he REFUSED. I think it's safe to say that he works for the Associated Press. '''The GN went down again''' for what feels like the 3rd time this month. Trevor claims that this was because his was because his bank wouldn't allow him to go any deeper into overdraft. His users suspect that this is another ploy to grabble more shitcoins from his extremely wealthy and employed userbase. In protest, they once again took to the streets of ota flinging frogs and hau. When approached for comment, the hearthstone pro replied with >wew Beg all you want but I don't have any left to give. I already sold most of my worldly possessions so I could buy Hatate. '''Ben Garrison got banned from Twitter.''' You can imagine my shock when that hero got unjustifiably attacked by (((Big Tech))). This is clearly a coordinated assault on any freedom fighters on the internet. As soon as dup gave the signal that he was backing down (((they))) quickly swept up any opposition or known bad goys. Naturally, this tengu was also cancelled for the umpteenth time. It's only a matter of time before you're next Anon! '''Another board owner sperged out''' and left his post following critique from his users. This time it was Hisuimeido, the zigger /tech/ BO and newly annointed /a/ BO. It is unfortunate after a successful sponsored petition for a board it almost immediately succumbed to rulecuckery. The pussification of jannies has been an ongoing threat as of late. After deleting /a/ and unlisting /tech/ he left a message of "im out". He isn't the first to abscond like this, and this reporting agency suspects that he won't be the last. '''Dup got btfo'd''' as you may have heard already. I can't believe I'm writing this but yes, THEY TOOK HIS PRESS PASS. The mainstream media is currently pushing this harder than the plague. After getting the big del from every major social media platform, he supposedly has taken to funposting over VPNs. An amusing turn of events, as what he's doing right now seems to be the equivalent of making "I'm 12, what is this" posts. If there's anything to take away from this, this tengu honestly believes that you should hunker down and stock up. There are probably going to be dark days ahead for us all. If anyone has a ~~POZ LOAD~~ TIP or HOT TAKE they want to share with their friendly local reporting agency, this tengu is MORE THAN WILLING to perform sexual favors in exchange for information. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: coprophilia, Trevor roleplay, kigurumi bdsm, ota trip worship, and allowing you to use Hatate in any way you see fit. Find me in the Gatorland offender registry for more details. This has been your friendly local reporting tengu, signing off.